I am slow that I know .

I am slow that I know

Never slow to notice

Never slow to understand, analyze, observe

I don’t mean stupid, not even close

I am just slow in making decisions, slow in how things internalize within me

Slow in metabolism, slow in choosing which bag I like more,

Slow in choosing who I’ll spend the rest of my life with; slow in choosing who I want to become

Slow in choosing whether I want mocha latte or plain cappuccino

Slow in all the little, slow in the huge

And to tell you the truth, it makes me frustrated most of the time with myself

I envy those ones who know what they want, and how they want it

They seem to be sure that this blouse goes with this pair of pants

And this man/woman is their man/woman of their dreams the moment they laid their eyes on them

And in restaurants they always seem to know which food to order  

And they lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks of dieting, fair and square

And I envy them; it takes me usually around six month to lose 5 pounds

 

 

But here is what I discovered I am not just slow I am scared

And those people are not just quick they are brave

I know when it comes to metabolism; I am slowly learning to respect my pace

My metabolism reminds me of God in a way,

I just do my part, but they are sovereign I am telling you

At least in my case

You push and push, and keep walking

You breathe, you drink water and eat healthy and you rest well, and pray he shows up.

But he comes when he wants, and as surely as the sun rises you’ll lose the pounds

They ARE sovereign.

 

 But when it comes to my latte versus cappuccino

When it comes to a yes or a no in marriage

It is usually fear that holds me back

Creativity is really scary

I’ve only lately discovered how much I am scared about being creative in my choices

And as I observed the logic of my thoughts when taking decisions

As I tracked them and followed the process

I’ve discovered there is a pattern.

And the pattern goes something like that,

What if I miss out on the outcome of the other choice?

And the mystery of that thought is that I am almost always 100% sure, that the other choice is as fantastic as the other one

You give me a room and ask me to decorate

Or you give me a piece of paper and ask me to write

Or ask me out

And that is seriously how it usually goes in my mind, what if I miss out on the outcome of the other choice?

And then I look at those who are quick, and assume there must be a universal rule about what color matches blue that they all know but me.

Here I said it

I ,for years, believed not in a conscious way of course, but in a very deep down in my core way

That there is a universal law about how things work that I don’t know about

They all know but me.

It’s ridiculous I know, but that’s how it works in the inside of me

But I am glad that came out in the light now

I can wear blue with green, or green with yellow now

I am not saying its haphazard and all choices are the same,

But I am saying there isn’t a universal law, shoo!

I am saying that my consciousness can rest a bit, and that all choices are possible and beautiful

I am saying it doesn’t scare me anymore to be with someone, and that someone is beautiful

I am saying I can draw a sunflower on that plain piece of paper, and believe that if I have drawn a rose it would have been as beautiful

I am saying I can hush that universal law crap, and let the holy spirit lead and the beautiful me follow.

So breathe child

Life is but a dream

A vapor really in an eternal ocean

I can rest assured in that

Eternity

Where I won’t be limited and all choices can happen all at once!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 Responses to I am slow that I know .

  1. BIBO says:

    i just love it sooooo much

    Like

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