More than this

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So I have decided to write, not because I have anything to say, but because it makes me happy

to write and a good friend suggested that I should.

Not many things make me happy or passionate these days.

Good coffee makes me happy, quality people make me happy, and writing.

Recently everything else seems to overwhelm me.

Lack and poverty above all else

Chaos and confusion in my life, chaos and confusion in my Country

The way things are out of order, the way things don’t look pretty, the way I see potential but no path to blossom

It’s like my fate and the fate of this land are intertwined, and it so messy.

If Egypt makes it, I make it, and if I make it she makes it.

But what do we intend to do

I have no clue

Nowadays I try to see beyond ugliness, I try to enjoy the little things

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Not because I am carefree but because there is no other way around

I go sit in pretty coffee shops, visit the Nile several times

Enjoy a beauty salon special treatment with a fairly priced rate unlike most countries, put on music in the midst of heavy traffic and sing along

I read books that inspire, and watch movies to loosen up from the stressed week

I go sit in front of the lord, and remember that being with him is all that matters

I fight, I do my best to fight the temptation of giving up

Maybe the more I do that, the more I’ll make a path for what is more to come,

Maybe the more I meditate on the word; the word will become flesh to me and to others around me

Sometimes while stuck in traffic, I look around and I want to applaud my fellow citizens’ persistence, give them a hug and let them know that they are doing their best while given the least.

Of course other days, I just want to kill them all and reach my long awaited destination.

Other days, I look and I break on the inside.

I despise the five loaves and two fish I’ve got , and despair floods my heart.

How can I help you all at once?

One person at a time doesn’t seem enough.

And it’s not an excuse, to not do anything.

It’s just a feeling of despair that I can’t do much

That I need thousands of lifetimes over my own to see any fruits

Unless I do something big all of a sudden, a national intervention, a national project

And I know everything big, starts by something small.

Logically it makes sense, but in my core it doesn’t, not really.

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Or I can leave

I can go visit pretty places

Go explore and see places no one has ever seen before

Go excel and be happy no worries.

But a friend who has traveled abroad and returned  put it like that quoting the bible about her experience

“How the lord got his people out of Egypt, but Egypt stayed in their hearts”.

Implying that Egypt is a mindset rather than just a geographical place

That the way we do life has a lot to do with how we know it here

And maybe we should go somewhere else to get our mindsets renewed ,exposed.

A different environment, where beauty and a path is already carved

To exercise our mindsets to see beauty, taste beauty, to live rather than survive

To exercise our mindsets that there is a way to succeed and to create

To reveal to our soul that there is much more to life

To be accustomed to that quality of life

And maybe then come back

And make a way here for others to see

Another scenario would be to stay and to carve that place in Egypt

To exercise our mindsets to see beauty, taste beauty, to live rather than survive

To exercise our mindsets that there is a way to succeed and to create

To reveal to our soul that there is much more to life

Is it that this is the wilderness where I need to walk?

And practice the complete dependence on god for provision

To taste the manna and to drink water from the rock

And lead others to that Promised Land

The land where there is no lack or scarcity

The land where there is abundance

Or do I need to prophecy that the Promised Land is good

And we wouldn’t have to walk through the wilderness all together

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4 Responses to More than this

  1. David Zaki says:

    I’ve always been a fan of your writings Rana, I love how you put your heart out in words and and think out loud. Keep it on.

    Like

  2. maggie says:

    enti keda you ”dont” have anything to write?? ommal law you had???
    incredible how you expressed my heart in every word..every question..except I CHEER your persisitence for find beauty within this land.
    One day you will look back..and know that..
    if Egypt, has ever MADE IT through
    it was because of people like you
    and an attitude like this!

    keep creating, enjoying and exploring beauty..
    and
    WRITE!!!!

    Like

  3. xandrinas says:

    I cant almost hear you speak it out loud.

    Like

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