So I have decided to write, not because I have anything to say, but because it makes me happy
to write and a good friend suggested that I should.
Not many things make me happy or passionate these days.
Good coffee makes me happy, quality people make me happy, and writing.
Recently everything else seems to overwhelm me.
Lack and poverty above all else
Chaos and confusion in my life, chaos and confusion in my Country
The way things are out of order, the way things don’t look pretty, the way I see potential but no path to blossom
It’s like my fate and the fate of this land are intertwined, and it so messy.
If Egypt makes it, I make it, and if I make it she makes it.
But what do we intend to do
I have no clue
Nowadays I try to see beyond ugliness, I try to enjoy the little things
Not because I am carefree but because there is no other way around
I go sit in pretty coffee shops, visit the Nile several times
Enjoy a beauty salon special treatment with a fairly priced rate unlike most countries, put on music in the midst of heavy traffic and sing along
I read books that inspire, and watch movies to loosen up from the stressed week
I go sit in front of the lord, and remember that being with him is all that matters
I fight, I do my best to fight the temptation of giving up
Maybe the more I do that, the more I’ll make a path for what is more to come,
Maybe the more I meditate on the word; the word will become flesh to me and to others around me
Sometimes while stuck in traffic, I look around and I want to applaud my fellow citizens’ persistence, give them a hug and let them know that they are doing their best while given the least.
Of course other days, I just want to kill them all and reach my long awaited destination.
Other days, I look and I break on the inside.
I despise the five loaves and two fish I’ve got , and despair floods my heart.
How can I help you all at once?
One person at a time doesn’t seem enough.
And it’s not an excuse, to not do anything.
It’s just a feeling of despair that I can’t do much
That I need thousands of lifetimes over my own to see any fruits
Unless I do something big all of a sudden, a national intervention, a national project
And I know everything big, starts by something small.
Logically it makes sense, but in my core it doesn’t, not really.
Or I can leave
I can go visit pretty places
Go explore and see places no one has ever seen before
Go excel and be happy no worries.
But a friend who has traveled abroad and returned put it like that quoting the bible about her experience
“How the lord got his people out of Egypt, but Egypt stayed in their hearts”.
Implying that Egypt is a mindset rather than just a geographical place
That the way we do life has a lot to do with how we know it here
And maybe we should go somewhere else to get our mindsets renewed ,exposed.
A different environment, where beauty and a path is already carved
To exercise our mindsets to see beauty, taste beauty, to live rather than survive
To exercise our mindsets that there is a way to succeed and to create
To reveal to our soul that there is much more to life
To be accustomed to that quality of life
And maybe then come back
And make a way here for others to see
Another scenario would be to stay and to carve that place in Egypt
To exercise our mindsets to see beauty, taste beauty, to live rather than survive
To exercise our mindsets that there is a way to succeed and to create
To reveal to our soul that there is much more to life
Is it that this is the wilderness where I need to walk?
And practice the complete dependence on god for provision
To taste the manna and to drink water from the rock
And lead others to that Promised Land
The land where there is no lack or scarcity
The land where there is abundance
Or do I need to prophecy that the Promised Land is good
And we wouldn’t have to walk through the wilderness all together
I’ve always been a fan of your writings Rana, I love how you put your heart out in words and and think out loud. Keep it on.
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enti keda you ”dont” have anything to write?? ommal law you had???
incredible how you expressed my heart in every word..every question..except I CHEER your persisitence for find beauty within this land.
One day you will look back..and know that..
if Egypt, has ever MADE IT through
it was because of people like you
and an attitude like this!
keep creating, enjoying and exploring beauty..
and
WRITE!!!!
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I cant almost hear you speak it out loud.
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:))
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